Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
