i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
