I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
