when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
