The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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