Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
