I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
