Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
