I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
