I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
