How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
