here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm like, not good at living.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
