i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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