The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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