Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
