She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
