ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
