To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
