that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
