I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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