My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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