Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize