Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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