i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
