Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
