What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
