:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
