Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
