I hate your face
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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