Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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