there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
