somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
