the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
