I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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