i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
