he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
