he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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