If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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