You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
