Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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