at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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