so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
