whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
