i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
