Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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