yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
