there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i out mim tonsoeep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
