tell your sister to shave her snatch
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
