I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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