I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
