OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So many bounce houses so little time
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
