i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
