I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
