it's not cheating when I paid for it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
