So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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