Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My legs feel like baby dolphins
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
