She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
