sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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