**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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