We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
