I don't think brook has ever known best
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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