1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
