I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
